He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
