he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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