So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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