Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
