i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
