if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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