Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
