No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
