Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
whose parrot is this?
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