so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this just has baby written all over it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
