chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
