Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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