Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
