Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
