just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
