Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
two words...techno handjob
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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