I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
