Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
