She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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