I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
