just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
