Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
