I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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