i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
