Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
