Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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