I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
