drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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