you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
