When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
