The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
