Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
