Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
