I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
