we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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