Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
