Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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