her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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