There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
