He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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