Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
