I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
honey bunches of taint.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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