Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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