Life is so much better after having sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
