Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
