your room smells of hookers.
And success
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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