You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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