i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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