you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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