did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
